About to Be Sprayed
by Eve Royal
Summary: In which Robin deals with squinty eyes, wet tee-shirts, and baseball. LBD 2/13


**A/N: **Okay, second part of the Lovebird Diaries. Meaning that this oneshot is set around June 20-something. Okay, y'all?

I would also like to point out that this is the first time I've ever written a story that actually deserves the "T" rating. While that means that I'm maturing (or something...), it's also a warning to anyone who is squeamish over the word "breast." So, yeah.

And if I made any mistake in the base system, please let me know. I think it's right as it's what I was taught, but I'm generally known as a naïve sort, so I could be wrong.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own TT or "Water" by Brad Paisley which is where I got the title from. Titles are difficult sometimes...

Oh, and I totally stole the line: "The perfect mixture of cute and sexy." from Crazy, Stupid Love. Which was a really good movie, and comes highly recommended.

**Blame:** You can all blame Kryalla Orchid for her "Beneath the Mask" and "Promise." Because this wasn't supposed to be first person POV, but now it is. And it's all her fault.

* * *

><p><strong>About To Be Sprayed<strong>

There's this insane kind of tradition in Jump City where the city organizes a series of car washes throughout the entire summer. As a general rule they appear over the weekend (but that isn't always the case) and each one raises money for a different charity: the library, the high school, the fire department, renovating the park... You get the idea. The orphanage is always their first victim and, in order to generate a bit of local interest, the city asks a celebrity to kick things off.

This year, they asked us.

It's impossible to refuse them either, since you know, we're heroes. Our job is to make the city a better place; and what's a better way to represent that than with volunteer work?

Or, at least, that's what they told us when they, ahem, 'asked' us.

In no way does this mean that I am enjoying myself. By 'volunteering', we have set ourselves up for six hours of washing, rinsing, drying, and waxing the cars of our humble and gentle citizens. And I swear that some of them only get their car washed once a year. If Alfred could see these cars, he'd have a fit.

...Well, as much as a fit as he ever has. Actually, he'd probably raise an eyebrow, make a slight face and say, "Well, Master Robin, it would seem your work is cut out for you."

But it's been four hours now and the team's enthusiasm has decreased drastically and I am frickin' tired of 'wax-on, wax-off, Robin-san.' If a villain showed up now, we'd all be screwed because my arms feel like rubber.

And I am not the only one feeling like this. Beast Boy's gone elephant and is simply blasting the cars with water. (Three cars back, he almost tipped a car over. When Cyborg warned him with a, "Yo, B! Not so hard!" Kid Flash had burst out a, "That's what she said!" and fell to his knees in near-hysteria.) Raven, Jinx, and Cyborg are all working at half-speed and are staying very, very quiet. I think they're trying to keep from snapping at the innocent civilians who are simply doing their civic duty. Starfire has landed and looks like she's drooping, poor thing. Kid Flash fell about five minutes ago and I haven't seen him since.

(No, I don't know why him and Jinx are here. I suspect free food and fame lured him in, however, and that he dragged Jinx along for the ride.)

So, really, I'm in the best shape. But, as team leader it's also my job to protect my team. Which means I must demand a break before they all keel over and die. In other words, I must brave the wrath of Carey Lockwood, the coordinator of this car wash.

_She_ is scary. Like, pissed-off Tamaranian scary. Like, really freaky, you'd-better-do-what-I-say-or-I-will-castrate-you scary.

What? You thought we agreed to a six hour car wash out of the goodness of our own hearts? HA! We're teenagers, not saints.

Carey Lockwood is all angles and sharp lines. She doesn't have an inch of fat on her (Cyborg scanned her; honest) and looks like she just crawled out of a concentration camp. Her fingers are twigs, her knees and elbows are huge, her eyes squint in coal-black malice, and her hair is straight like a whip. She has no ass or boobs to speak of.

And, for the duration of our torture, we answer to her.

By this point I have mustered my courage and walked over to her. When I am a foot away from her I call out, "Uh, Carey?"

She turns around and I am rewarded with the vision of her sun-lotion covered face, cut-off tee and jean shorts. I repress a shudder only by remembering Starfire in her civic clothes. In comparison to the nightmare standing in front of me, Starfire looks like a goddess in her tight tank top and snug short-shorts. She is the only reason why I haven't passed out from exhaustion yet. Even if I did almost faint when I first saw her.

(She's hot, okay? And yes, I am fully aware that I am damn lucky to have her.)

Carey Lockwood shoots me a sticky-sweet smile. "Robin," she coos, removing her massive sunglasses. Ugh. Not an improvement. "How can I help you? How's your team?" She glances behind me then snaps her head back, her hair cracking at the motion. Her eyes are slits of tar-coloured evil. "You're falling behind," she informs me, her voice cold.

I am afraid. Very afraid. Still, I clear my throat. "Uh, yeah, about that... You know, Carey, we were kinda promised a free lunch and a couple of breaks, and we've been working for awhile now, so..." I chance a glance at her; her face is clear of emotions. Okay. Guess I'll spell it out for her. "We need a break."

Her eyebrows raise high above her eyes, stretching them wider than I have ever seen them. It is utterly terrifying. "You need a break?" she repeats.

Um... "Yes."

Her eyes instantly go squinty again. "Well, Robin," (I hate how she says my name), "unfortunately, I can't afford to give your team one." She spreads her hands out, gesturing to the organized chaos around us. "As you can see, it's very busy."

My eyes narrow. She is such a bitch. And while, yes I am afraid of her, I've always had this ability to turn my fear, embarrassment, shame, etc, into anger. Batman just tweaked it enough for it to become a weapon. And it really isn't that busy. It's steady, but not busy. And on top of all that, I am tired. And I'm not going to waste energy I could use eating on arguing with her.

Nope. Not gonna do it.

"It's not that busy," I tell her. Because it's not.

Her face has a twist in it, like she can't believe her city is being defended by such _babies_. "Do you understand all the work I'll have to do in order to cover your break? It will be chaos here."

I shrug. "I guess you'll have to deal with that, then."

"No. I won't. Because you're not going."

I raise an eyebrow. "Uh, yes. We are. Because this is volunteer work, and we're tired, and actually have no obligation to this cause, unlike yourself. And so... Yes. We are."

"No," she repeats, and her voice is steel. "You're not."

I look at her and shake my head. "Lady, you think you can stop me?" I turn around and cup my hands over y mouth. "Titans! Lunch time!"

All six of them perk up, Kid Flash's head peeking out from behind a tire (a wonder how no one ran over him), Beast Boy shifting back into a human, and the three girls dropping their rags onto the ground. Cyborg is the most vocal: "Well, all right then!"

"What do you think you're doing?" she hisses from behind me.

I look at her from over my shoulder. "Carey. I grew up in Gotham," I say mildly. "You're not as scary as you think you are."

(Well, actually she is, but that's more from her looks than anything. Walking skeletons are terrifying.)

With that, I walk over to the Titans who have congregated around the picnic bench hidden underneath the biggest oak tree in the area. Shade. Finally. Cyborg has already pulled out drinks and food from the cooler nearby. I take a seat next to Starfire.

Suddenly a pair of arms are tight around my torso, pinning my arms to my sides. "My hero!"

I sigh. "KF, get off me."

To my left, Starfire giggles. "I must concur. You truly were most heroic." And with that, she kisses my cheek.

I love how affectionate she is. I really do.

"Hey!" Kid Flash objects, still clinging to me. "Why is my love scorned?"

I eye him. "Really? You need the obvious differences spelled out for you?"

He huffs, releasing me. "Hey! I'm sexy!"

There is silence following this as we all look at each other. Then, we hear a cricket chirp. We all turn to the other end of the table where a green cricket rubs its legs together.

Cyborg bursts out laughing, I snort, Jinx snickers, Starfire giggles and Raven even cracks a smile. Kid Flash pouts while Beast Boy morphs back, beaming from his success.

"Oh, come on! I'm sexy!" Kid Flash cries. We all continue laughing, and my chest starts to hurt from the lack of air. "I am!" he insists.

Starfire's giggles turn into laughter and it's the best sound in the whole world. I want to keep her happy, so I smirk and say, "The crickets have spoken, Kid. I'm sorry."

His eyes narrow beneath his mask and he points dramatically. "You will pay, Rob."

"Oooh. So scared," I tease.

With pursed lips, he zips off and when he reappears, it's only from years of knowing him that forces me to lean backwards. But because I do, the spray of water emitted from the hose he has grabbed and aimed at me misses...

And hits Starfire.

She gasps and her shout is muffled by the stream of water blasting her. Kid Flash's eyes grow wide and he instantly shuts off the water. He reaches for a towel even as I lean towards her to check if she's okay. I'm in the middle of asking if she's all right and Kid Flash is blurting out a mass of apologies when Starfire's hands fall, our eyes drop, and we both shut up.

Starfire is wearing a white tank top. And it is now very see-through. And it is suddenly quite clear that Starfire has a really nice set of-

"Boobies!" Beast Boy blurts out near-hysterically. I hear a slap, but I can't really focus on that when Starfire's breasts are right there, staring at me.

Her bra is pink. Pink, pink, pink. I wasn't even aware she wore bras.

What? She's an alien. It's a logical assumption.

"Please?" Starfire speaks, and her voice forces my eyes to lift. Her hair is stringy and wet and sticking to her forehead and cheeks, and her eyes are huge and liquid green, and her lips are full and pouty, and my blood is leaving my brain because her shirt is _still_ see-through. "What do you mean by 'boobies'?"

I am positive that Raven is rolling her eyes. I can sense it even if I can't see it because wet-Starfire is really sexy (and this name I've bestowed upon her has far too many implications). "He means breasts," she explains in a deadpan.

I can feel my face heating slightly and I force myself to avert my eyes (which end up falling right back where they started from because her boobs are very, _very_ magnetic). That is a very awkward word. You can say it as much as you want in your own mind, but never aloud. _Never_.

Starfire blinks in that way she does when she doesn't understand something. On dry-Starfire, it's adorable. On wet-Starfire, it's a major turn-on. Kind of like the perfect mixture of cute and sexy. "I thought it was understood that I had breasts."

Yes. Yes, it always has been. However, they've never been so visible before.

"They're just surprised to see them," Raven clarifies.

"Here. Dry yourself off before they all start drooling," Jinx says.

With those words, I realize that everyone else has the same view I do. I feel a spike of jealousy. My girlfriend! Not yours!

A towel appears and covers up my view. At which point, I'm forced to look up into my girl's face. She is staring at me with amusement. Her eyes are twinkling and her lips are curved in that really sexy way that makes every inch of me tense up. It's new and belongs solely to the "girlfriend" Starfire and I love it.

"Are my breasts truly so fascinating?" she murmurs, her smile growing.

My face is hot and I'm surprised that there's still blood able to reach it. "Ah, well, you-uh-see, with the-"

Okay. So she makes me speechless. So what?

"Yeah, Rob," Cyborg's voice booms. I can hear the mockery in it. "Haven't you seen them already?"

I freeze. Because I haven't. I haven't even touched them yet.

We're taking things slowly, okay? The problem with dating an alien is that there is a severe case of culture clash. I don't want to push her (us) into something she's (we're) not ready for. Even if so far she's been pretty gung-ho about it all...

There's this strange silence until Kid Flash slaps me on the back and goes, "Man! You mean you haven't even gotten to second base yet?"

"It's been really busy!" I yelp, feeling the need to defend myself. I'm sure Star would be game for it... Maybe. I actually don't think I could handle it yet. I'd probably pass out. I'm still getting used to the fact that the sexiest creature I've ever seen (with the exception of Poison Ivy. And maybe Catwoman. But that's just because they're kinky. I mean, chain-like wines and leather whips. How are we supposed to resist?) wants to make out with me.

_Me_. I'm not even 5'9, and am more scrawn than bulk. There really must be a God.

The guys are all staring at me. "Dude!" Beast Boy shouts. "But you guys are, like, constantly making out!"

"We do not!" I retort.

We don't. Really. It's only after training or, you know, when Star is just too sexy to ignore. The guys are only upset because their training session is right after Star's and mine, and I can't be held responsible for a actions concerning a sweaty, panting Starfire.

"What is second base?" Starfire asks suddenly. "Are we questioning Robin's skills at the game of baseball?"

My face goes hot again. I am not ready for this conversation. I'm really not. And I _really_ don't want to have it in front of the guys.

How much does she know about sex, anyways? I mean, she's so innocent...

Then I remind myself of the looks she sends me, and the sounds she makes, and our conversation in Tokyo. Okay; Star knows about sex. She just doesn't catch all the innuendos and references.

The guys are all glancing at each other awkwardly when Beast Boy points to me. "You! You're the boyfriend; you explain it!"

Oh, _hell_ no. "Uh, _no_. I don't think so. You guys are the ones wondering where Star and I stand. _I'm_ happy where things are."

And I am. I get to kiss my best friend whenever I want. Best thing ever.

"Good grief," Raven says with an eye roll. "It's the four stages of a relationship," she directs at Star.

Her eyebrows are still furrowed (and it's still really cute). "And these stages follow the base system used in baseball?"

I touch her arm, drawing her attention. "It's the physical stages, Star. You know, kissing, touching..." I drift off, hoping she won't ask for any more information. But I know her better than that.

Her eyes are sparkling. "And what are these stages?"

Oh no. I am not budging on this. I'm not talking about third base with you. No way, no how. No matter how big you makes your eyes, how close you lean in, or how warm your body is, or how your towel is falling slightly and I can tell that your shirt still isn't dry and second base is looking really good right now-

"Ask Jinx!" I shout, gesturing wildly in her general direction before I screw my eyes shut. Okay, so I'm a flake. Whatever.

Jinx sighs heavily. "Freak," she grumbles. "Okay," she begins in her normal voice, "first base is kissing. Second base is upper body fondling; third base is, uh," when I open my eyes, I can see that she's flushing a pink that matches her hair, "touching below the belt; and home base is all the way."

See? Jinx was a great choice. Even my panicked decisions are amazing!

"All the way?" Starfire asks. "You are speaking of sexual intercourse?"

Yeah... Really not a conversation I want to have.

"Uh, Star?" Cyborg speaks. "You do know what sex is, right?"

Starfire bristles, not that I blame her. She's always underestimated. "Yes, Cyborg, I am fully aware of sex. I am also knowledgeable about the fondling, touching, and the oral sex."

(Wait – does that mean she's had experience? I think my brain's going to explode.)

Star crosses her arms over her chest, dislodging the towel slightly, revealing her – now simply damp – shirt, and says primly, "I am not stupid."

"They know that," Raven says in her comfort-voice. "Boy are just idiots."

It's true. We are.

When we all nod our agreement, she relaxes against me. Her arm and leg are warm against mine and I wrap an arm around her waist. She inches over slightly, making our contact grow.

I like holding her. She's warm and smooth, soft but firm, and all mine.

We all fall into a thin silence as we munch on our food. Starfire has covered her macaroni and cheese in mustard, as per usual. She's finally realized that although I completely accept her food quirks (actually, I think they're kinda funny), I don't want to try them. Human bodies don't allow for such a wide variety of foods, like Tamaranian bodies do. So she quietly eats her own food before she moves on to mine. I let her. Maybe I am a litle whipped, but as long as it keeps her happy, I can't complain.

"So... you really haven't made it to second base yet?"

Three guesses as to who said that.

Jinx cuffs him. "Haven't you made things bad enough?"

Kid Flash rubs his head, sulking. "It's a rational question!" he cries.

"Should we have?" Starfire asks, leaning forward.

"Oh no," I interupt, pulling her back. "Don't you start."

One thing about Starfire that makes me really guilty is that she's pretty insecure. I guess it's because she knows that people assume she's stupid when she doesn't understand what they're saying. They don't seem to realize that she's a simple foreigner who doesn't have a grip on all the nonscensical sayings our culture uses. She's an alien, and she doesn't fit in with others, and that's _fine_. She shouldn't have to try to be anything else but herself because she's the most amazing person I've ever met. But she still keeps trying to conform.

And it kills me.

I turn her to face me. "You and me are going at our own pace. It doesn't matter what any one else says because they're not us and they're not a part of this," I say, gesturing to the space between us. I look up into her face and see that her eyes are wide and intense. "I'm happy with us right now," I promise. I pause for a moment, a thought striking me. "Aren't you?" I ask, my voice low.

Her eyes warm and this smile I rarely see spreads across her face. Her hair is still damp and she is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. "Yes, Robin," she murmurs, and her voice sends jolts down my spine. "I am very happy with us."

I smile at her, relieved. I am so afraid I will ruin this new relationship of ours. I know I'm impulsive and deep-set angry, and I'm working at it. I am. And Star makes me better, makes me try harder. I don't want to lose her.

"Awwww!"

I tense. I had forgotten they were there. I turn to see Beast Boy hanging off Cyborg's shoulder, Cyborg wiping a fake tear from his human eye, and Kid Flash leaning on the hybrid, his hands clasped together on his chest.

"That was so beautiful!" Cyborg fake sobs.

"It's wuv," KF mocks. "Twue wuv!"

"Screw you," I snap, twisting my shame into anger.

Star frowns, actually glares at them. "You will stop mocking Robin and I or we shall leave and you may explain to Carey Lockwood why we have abandoned her cause."

Instantly they blanch and I chuckle while Jinx and Raven smirk. Star looks highly pleased with herself.

"You're brilliant," I praise, pecking her on the cheek. She blossoms into a huge smile.

"Titans!" It's a snap, a crack of a whip. We all spin around to see Carey and her squinty eyes. She plants her fists on her nonexistent hips and cries out, "Break's over! Get back to work!"

"Bitch," Raven says in her usual monotone. It's like she's in my head.

I sigh, pushing myself up. "C'mon, team. Let's finish up."

Slowly they stand with groans and follow me, trudging back to the cars. From behind me I hear Star ask, "Is my shirt dry now?"

Please be no, please be no, please be no...

"Looks good, Starfire," Jinx says.

Dammit. Now... how to fix that problem?

Grabbing my weapon of choice with the agility Batman installed in me to attack the bad guys, I prepare. Within seconds I casually call, "Star?"

She turns, lifts her head, graces me with one of her most beautiful smiles...

And I spray her with the hose, aiming straight for her shirt.

She shrieks and splutters and shouts at me, all the time with this huge smile on her face. And, of course, within moments her shirt is see-through again, causing a smirk to grow on my face and my gaze to drop.

What? I'm her boyfriend. I'm expected to pull stunts like this.

- END -


End file.
